I wake up and spend my morning relaxing. I use the first early hours of the morning to give myself what I need to get through the day - a little self love and a lot of peace.
This pain that I have going on in my face effects so much more than just my face, like I usually say. It’s a deep ache that starts in my ear canal, and it’s coupled with a shock-like feeling that goes through my jaw, into my gums and teeth, it spreads through my tongue and up into my chin, lips, cheek, eyelid, and into my hairline.
It really is all-encompassing.
So I spend all day every day not letting it overtake me. It’s exhausting. Often, by the time 5 o’clock comes around and I’m off work, I have hardly any energy left to spend doing what I want to.
That’s the real reason I’m up so early. My choices are to sleep in and get directly to work, get off work at 5, and sit on the couch until it’s time for bed, or, I can wake up at 6 or so, make my bed, do yoga, get ready for the day, drink some tea/coffee, read a book, clean the house, journal, and whatever else I get up to, and then have the evening to rest and recoup from my day.
I don’t often feel accomplished on a daily basis these days, but waking up and completing all of the things I want to do before my day really begins allows me to not feel so lazy at the end of the day.
I’ve really struggled with the changes I’ve had to make in my life because of this pain. It’s coming up on two years since it started and I still haven’t fully adjusted to the changes I’ve needed to make.
Being outside and being active has always brought me so much joy.
I loved feeling the wind on my face and spending all day hiking and experiencing nature and finding new hobbies and anything else that comes to mind.
These days, I’ve been spending a lot more time inside, a lot more time by myself, and a lot less time doing the various hobbies I’ve always enjoyed.
It just seems to be too hard to push through most days; I’m having to learn to be okay with having days that I accomplish nothing other than brushing my teeth and going to work.
and that’s been really hard.
But that’s what I use my mornings for, to remind myself that the restrictions I have are the same things that add structure to my life.
I have new routines and habits that I stick to because I’ve learned that is the only way to get through all of this. I have things every single day that I do simply to say I’ve done it.
I starting making my bed every single morning, as soon as I wake up. I start my day with an accomplishment.
I add things to my to-do list simply so I can cross them off. My typical to-do list for the day looks something like this:
make bed
wash face/skin care routine
yoga
coffee/tea
something to relax (tidying up/reading/walk/etc.)
start work
night time skin routine
The things on that list are not things I need to be reminded of per se, I will remember to do all of those things most mornings - my routine is pretty well engrained in my life at this point - but I need to remember that they count as accomplishments.
When it’s hard to do much, simple tasks can be the things that make or break my day.
I’m the type of person that needs to have productivity in my life in order to feel like my day hasn’t been wasted. And with that comes one of the biggest changes I’ve had to make in my life the pat few years.
Productivity comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Some days, productivity looks like checking everything off of my to-do list PLUS walking 5 miles, cleaning my house, grocery shopping, seeing my friends/boyfriend, playing games, making dinner (and the clean up the follows), watching a movie, doing my entire night time routine, and going to bed.
Other days, I can’t even check everything off of my checklist.
and that’s ok.
The hardest thing I’ve had to come to terms with over the past two years, and I still work most days to accept, is that life looks different now. My life is not what I pictured it would be a few years ago.
It’s difficult to look at life and realize I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be. Not that I’m in a bad place, just a different place. it’s something that I personally have had to work really hard at.
That’s why I value my mornings so much. They’re the time that I am able to sit and reflect and recognize that as hard as it can be sometimes, I love my life.
I love where I’ve ended up.